wolf boy

Sun 6.7.20

      We return to the concepts of Tonal and Nagual.  Tonal being all that we know in the world, it is the world as we experience it.  If at birth one is left in the woods and adopted by a family of wolves . . . well you see where I’m going here.  That human being would not be a human being as we know them to be.  He would have no concept of time, right or wrong, he would fight to the death anyone who tried to enslave him, he would have no human language, no electronic world, he would have an intrinsic code of ethics, which human beings, by and large lack, no desire to live in heated houses; without language there would be no names, tree, blue sky, Natalie Portman, purple, sun, agriculture, god, sexual intercourse, π.  He would be an instinctive hunter, fighter.  He would know things that we can never know or see, his eyes trained to different purposes.  He would live in a completely different world than ours, and even if we brought him into our world he would still retain his world, even if we enlightened him on how it all works.  Most likely he would die if made to live with us.

      In truth we despise his world and we have spent centuries effecting an escape from it.  It is the world of the nagual, and we cannot escape it as it is within us, protecting us, destroying us, the silent part of self, the magical part.  Occasionally, one may get a glimpse of it in action, but you can never know it in a tonal way.  It cannot be brought into this world.  There are no words to describe it; there are no words in that world.  Below is an illustrative story of how the nagual operates within oneself.

      I worked at one time in a hospital counseling the dying.  One of the patients was in incredible pain every moment of the day and night.  Every treatment program had been tried and nothing worked.  The staff set up a schedule to have someone present at her bedside throughout the day.  I was emotionally drained and psychologically distressed by the experience and would go home completely exhausted only to have it start up again the next day.  Her family was breaking up her home as she lay in her hospital bed; she would never return home.  They, along with the social worker were looking into nursing homes.  Then one morning when I went to her room I did something inexplicable, I winked at her.  She did not appreciate this at all.  I also performed my baffling wink to another patient with similar results.

      Something in me had fathomed what was happening with the dying woman.  She was dying and nobody gave a sweet f___ing sh__t!  The silent part of her, her nagual spirit took care of it by supplying her with people who came to sit with her every day, told her stories, brought her music, rubbed her body.  The nagual within me brought out the knowing wink much to my embarrassment. Afterward I understood what had transpired between us and her embarrassment at being exposed.  The tonal is never happy at what it perceives as a threat by the nagual. But it was not something she had planned and probably would have rejected had she known why she had the pain.  The nagual is not at one’s command, even sorcerers may not control it.  They are merely content to be aware of its appearance. I would also add that the pain was very real.  On the following day a drug was tried on her that worked.  She was finally pain free and she left the hospital for a nursing home on the next week.

The favorite essay this month has again been, Opening Moves