transformation

Sun 4.10.22

         Once you jump the hurdle and you know, I can’t explain it any better than that; you know.  What is it that you know?  You know that you’re Ok, that somehow you were on the right path all along.  It’s all very clear to you.  You’ve stumbled along, ignorant, with some recurrent beliefs, assertions, half believing, and too, wanting to run away from it.  To go back to what is named “reality.”  Where we tell each other stories about what we think is happening because we are not truly present.  It’s a soul crushing experience that puts one in a sort of purgatory world.  And depending on how much of yourself you have to deny in order to function in “reality” the more unreal you become, NPC’s in the game of life.

         But that’s not what’s going on at all.  I was raised in a French culture, which is different than the Anglo-Saxon world surrounding me.  I remember an incident when I was 5 or 6 in which I accepted a ride home from the family of a school mate.  Different family members were being picked up along the way after their day’s work.  I found these Anglos as truly bizarre as they offered idle meaningless phrases to each other.  They struck me as cranked up dolls unwinding meaningless gibberish.  There was magic in the world, but they were denied entry.  Children have magic, understand it, live in it.  Magic is what’s truly going on. And “reality” is a world humans have created to keep themselves busy.  The Anglo Saxon world is inhabited by a punitive, morbid, humorless, prurient and sexually repressed society.  It is the difference between the morbid Shakespeare to the always delightful Honoré de Balzac.

         But then the Anglos are not that impressed with us either.  To sit in the back seat with my little girlfriend in her family’s big car as we rolled along was a moment of magic.  I was witnessing a world that was not mine, a foreign country.  Did I judge these people?  I accepted their world as an actuality, but not something appealing to me.

         What you know, when you finally know, because you have paid the price; you have done the right thing, you have committed yourself . . you  have done what is necessary to become impeccable in word and deed, is that you are unique, and you must honor that.