markers

Sun 5.23.21

      Life needs markers, order, legitimacy.  My mother surely chose to die on January 1st, not the 31st or the 2nd.  She wanted to see the new year and be counted.  One chooses one's markers.  I write my dreams every morning in a lined, black and white composition book; I've been doing this for many years.  At some point in my dream writing career I began to notice that the first dream I transcribe in a new composition book is powerful and turns out to be a good predictor of the tasks I will need to perform in order to grow and develop, the wisdom I will need to achieve by the end of that notebook.  It seems I have ordered my life according to the page count of a composition book.

      The premise of the film "Being John Malkovich," which I recently watched is that some people have found a way to get into the actor John Malkovich's head.  So they start charging admission, selling it in 15 minutes slots.  You crawl into a muddy tunnel and then Swish!  You're looking out of Malkovich's eyes as he chooses bath towels for his private room.  Sitting down to write to you is similar to being sucked in that muddy tunnel.  Every Sunday after brunch, two or three in the afternoon I undergo a metamorphosis.  The person sitting here typing this message is incapable of functioning in the world, can't balance a checkbook and doesn't care, is capable of working till she drops, has no conscious sense of time, operates on a instinctual/intuitive level.

      When I get up from this chair I will become more regimented, rational, responsible.  I created the writer's world to nourish and support me.  I inhabit another similar world with my clients.  One has different personas.  Especially in relationship.  Many are unable to see or hear beyond a self-defined, self-limiting narrow world of markers.  One has to adjust to the level of relationship possible.  A self, a public self is created.  You can feel it when upon leaving the home, checking one’s make-up, brushing the suit, into the muddy tunnel one enters, Voom!  One is out there.  The make-up and the good suit are markers that indicate public self, just like Sunday brunch indicates writing to me.  Do we create a series of specific personalities to perform certain tasks?  Maybe Jung was right; timeless inborn archetypes buried in the psyche like the Fool, the Mother, the Hero, etc., shape our yearnings, our behavior.

      The poet Allen Ginsberg tells a story about it.  After he wrote and published the renowned poem, “Howl,” he was acclaimed but not given respect.  The Buddhist Ginsberg on visiting his maharishi in India spoke to him about it.  What enlightenment did this most holy and wise man offer?  “Wear a suit.” 

      From then on the man wore his suit religiously. 

The favorite posting last month was Eviction